Fed by Birds

Happy Christmas to all.

And don't worry if your holidays turn out to be a bit short on peculiar fun: you can alway head for the Fens in January, for the Whittlesea Straw Bear Festival, where they celebrate the day after Plough Monday by taking a haystack for a walk.

Posted by at 3:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Suggestion: please can all novels from now on have floor plans. How am I meant to get a clear idea of the story if I don't even know where the hell the kitchen is in relation to the library? Plus it saves a lot of time on boring descriptions.

I mean, it was good enough for the Golden Age of Detection. I particularly like these maps, above and below, in The Pit Prop Syndicate by Freeman Wills Crofts. Don't ask me why I'm reading it because I don't know. But if you like a novel where a good chunk of the action is the two heroes taking it in turns to sit in a barrel to watch pit props being smuggled, then this is for you. At least I know where the Syndicate's depot is in relation to Ackroyd and Holt's.

Why should I imagine it? It's your book, you imagine it. Naturally Len Howard knows the importance of a plan in Birds as Individuals:

And don't forget to include an accurate diagram of any chessboard, bridge hand or bell-ringing chart mentioned:

Posted by at 1:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I can't help noticing that the search terms that lead people to this blog are often in the form of questions. We hate to disappoint, so here are some of those questions answered.

1. Why birds stare at humans?

Because they do things like this:

2. How do marshes get fed?

Like this:

3. How to achieve best wardrobe?

Make everything bigger:

4. Who fed the birds on saturday nite?

He did (is that an egg?):

4. Knit new inoaktive?

I'm not familiar with an inoaktive: if, as I imagine, it's something like this, then please don't make any more:

And for the person who just wanted "fashion sternly":

Posted by at 2:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)