It's very difficult to find the perfect perfume: for some reason nearly all modern scents smell of custard. Fed by Birds readers are discerning: they want perfume to transport them somewhere stranger than the inside of a cake shop. Luckily we are here to suggest more exciting olfactory experiences. For instance:
The Scent of a Grandfather
CB I Hate Perfumes - Greenbriar 1968 aims to capture the smell of perfumer Christopher Brosius' grandfather, which is apparently sawdust, leather work gloves, pipe tobacco and axel grease. I've never actually tried it, but I have tried the same label's M. Hulot's Holiday, which really does smell of suntan oil, damp swimming costumes and old suitcases.
Dolls' Tea Party
The Unicorn Spell by Les Nez: this has a distinct plasticky tang combined with grassy notes which is the exact smell of neglected Sindy dolls left in the garden overnight.
Creed's Cuir de Russie was created for him. After the first thwack of leather, it's surprisingly flowery.
Caron's Aimez Moi has a totally unearthly scent. There's nothing natural that you can detect in it or compare it to, it's inexplicable - this must be what an alien planet would smell like.
A Clean Robot
Apparently Dans Tes Bras by Frederic Malle is supposed to smell of warm skin, but its combination of metal and washing up liquid if anything suggests the embrace of a fastidious machine.